Tom eats American candy, hilarity ensues - FINALE

 
 

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Do I actually need to say anything? Is there anything I could possibly say to add to this moment? Maybe this photo will help sum-up my feelings:

I am actually speechless.

Seriously, wow. For the 2% of you that don't get why the name of this candy is both hilarious and absolutely terrifying, count yourself lucky. Let's just say that the name of this candy sounds extremely similar to a very infamous picture on the Internet, and I'm telling you no more than that. For everyone else:

Oh come on, look at it! Not only is it made of fudge, but it has a separate INNER RING. Were they trying to make this as disgusting as possible? It's like they used the Internet picture as a guideline when making this!

Right, the time has come.

Geez, I don't even want to touch this, let alone put it in my mouth.

Here we go.

So, the big question - how does it taste? Well, they say a picture speaks a thousand words:

Truly, utterly awful. It's just all over the place - some of the fudge is hard, some is soft, and some is worryingly lumpy. Furthermore, the white center is actually the same stuff you get sprinkled on some donuts, which tastes horrible and powdery when you eat a lot of it. I was considering giving this a 4 ouf ot 10 while I was eating it, but then I suddenly remembered the name and the image connected to it, and decided this can get nothing other than 0 out of 10.

With the Goetze gone, I have successfully worked my through all the candy.

This article has taken me to places I never wanted to go back to, and to new places I never want to return to. It has also allowed me to legitimately say "I have munched on Goetze", which is something I never wanted to be able to say and will probably never repeat for as long as I live.

There's only one place this can go from now:

Thanks for reading!